What a (strange, enlightening, difficult) 30 days this has been!

Well, I made it.  Yesterday was day 30 of my internet fast and it has been crazy!  I’ve gone through a lot over the last thirty days, most of it was unrelated to the whole “no internet” thing, but some of it was.  Here’s a summary:

1.  I have to admit that there was more than one time in the last thirty days that I missed the internet, but mostly it was because I missed the convenience.  I didn’t realize how much that I do on a regular basis involves the internet.  I need to order a fix kit for the pack-n-play because there was a recall?  My hubby has to do it.  I need to figure out if my three-year-old is normal because he started pooping his pants after he was already potty trained (he has started using the potty again the last couple of days, hooray!)?  Hubby, can you Google this for me?  I want to look at houses for sale in the city we are moving to?  Okay, I allowed this one, but only if I was doing it with my hubby.  I didn’t really miss the internet for entertainment, but for convenience.  I can live without it, but I don’t have to.

2.  I have been experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety about this whole selling the house thing.  It isn’t because I think it’s a mistake, I still think we are doing the right thing.  The hardest part for me is the indefinite nature of the whole thing.  Not knowing when we will be moving is difficult.  I have to remind myself a lot that God is in control, that we are committed to doing this in His timing, that I shouldn’t have asked God for more patience (seriously, don’t do that).  It’s hard trusting, but I just have to remind myself that I can trust Him when I forget.

3.  I went through a lot of spiritual turmoil over the last thirty days.  Some of it was stuff I’ve been struggling with for years, but some of it was new and particularly upsetting because of the newness.  Anger, doubt, frustration, depression, you name it, I’ve experienced it.  I reached a point a few days back (actually, I think it was over the weekend), when I realized that I needed to get back to my roots.  I was experiencing some serious doubt and the questioning and hurt were almost more than I could bear.  I decided that I needed to remember what convinced me that God exists, that He is who He says He is, that I need saving, and so many other things.  So, I decided to read the book that convinced me in the first place, Mere Christianity.  I know there are a lot of people who are not C.S. Lewis fans, but he has a way of saying exactly what I need to hear in his writing.

4.  A lot of the questions that I was struggling with were related to something that I read and took to heart shortly before I started my thirty days.  I can’t remember where I read it, or maybe I even heard it somewhere, I’m not sure.  In any case, it was something along the lines of, “as Christians we should be following Christ, but most of us follow the Bible.”  That seems like a silly statement on the surface, but it encapsulates everything that is wrong with Christianity.  The question that arises from this statement is this: does my Christian walk lead me to look more like Jesus, or am I spending all of my time focusing on what the Bible says about Him instead of getting to know Him?  Am I a Bible-ian?  No, I am a Christ-ian, and as such, my life should reflect Him more and more.

So, out of all of that arises my new blog, which I will launch in the next week.  It will have a different direction (in that it will have a direction) and probably a different look.  I will probably be posting less frequently, but hopefully they will be of a higher quality.  I haven’t decided on the exact format, yet, but I’ll solidify that this week and let you all know.  Thanks for reading.  Hopefully you will follow me to my new home on the interwebz when I move.


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