Some thoughts on the old me

After reading my old blog, which I did while moving some of the old posts here, I am shocked at how much has changed in the last four years.  Really, I’m shocked by how much I have changed.  Here are a few thoughts about that.

First, as a general rule I didn’t a) use people’s names (I blogged about the reason for this in a post that I didn’t move over…basically, it’s because I didn’t want anybody finding out anything about you that that they didn’t know because of me), or b) link to anything.  Well, if you read this post, then you know that I’m not afraid of links anymore.  I probably still won’t use people’s names, but that is just out of habit.

Second, in this post I reference an R-rated movie (gasp!).  I don’t think I’ve watched an R movie since Seth has been able to communicate with me (even just pointing and grunting).  For one thing, he’s a little parrot.  For another, I have chosen to get closer to God by removing negative influences in my life.  I don’t watch R movies or equivalent TV, go out drinking and partying, I’m far less rude (although I still struggle with this one), and I’m generally more selective in my entertainment choices.  Some might say that I got boring (they are probably right), but I genuinely try to care more about what God thinks of me than what people think of me.  (This post kind of foreshadows this change.)

Something that hasn’t changed is that I still struggle with depression, but not as frequently or as hard.  Here I talk about being a spiritual roller coaster, but that is far less common, too.  Part of that is that I have grown in my faith (something that has come from more regular Bible study and prayer…although I still don’t pray as often as I think I should).  The other part, though, is that I started taking medication for my depression.  I know that a lot of people have strong feelings about depression and medication.  I put off taking anything for my depression for more than ten years from when I started struggling with it, but I look back on that as a lot of time wasted.  I won’t go back to feeling like that.  (I don’t think that all of that time was wasted, just the time in that period that I spent feeling depressed.)  For more thoughts on depression, check out this post.  For examples of how I get when I’m depressed, check out this post and this post.

There are a lot of other things that I could say, but it isn’t necessary.  I’m still basically the same person.  I like to read, be with my family, get close to God.  I still struggle with how to be a good wife, how to minister to those around me, how to keep my attitude in check.  I still try to be an open book, but that book is still being edited.  I’m sure in a few years I’ll look back on these posts with the same amazement at how far I’ve come.  That’s the beauty of the whole blogging thing, it’s like a journal that I actually go back and read occasionally.

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