Home Sweet Home (Jan 2007)

Actually, I haven’t lived here full-time for almost ten years, but it’s still home to me. When I was checking in at the airport the lady said, “You’re going to Detroit?” And I said, “That’s where I’m from.” Of course, you can’t say that you’re from Utah until your family has lived there for at least six generations, so I live there, I’m not from there.

I always have some anxiety about coming home. The whole time I lived here in Michigan, I was a different person than the one I became when I moved away to Utah. When I come here all the old junk that I thought was gone comes back. Maybe it is gone, it’s gone to Michigan where I can pick it up every time I visit. Anyway, I kind of had a breakthrough with the whole thing when I actually told my mom and step-dad about it. It’s been a little better since then. I’ve been able to have a conversation without snapping at anybody. I also tried to talk to them about Financial Peace and my step-dad was interested, but my mom thought it was, “the easy way out.” She couldn’t be more wrong, but I told her that I wasn’t going to give her advice that she didn’t want, so I dropped it. It hurts me to come here because they are hurting so much and they don’t want the kind of help that I can give them. All I can do is pray for them because they won’t let me do anything else.

On a brighter note, the baby is SO cute. He is 9 lbs. 4 oz. now, which is up from 8 lbs. 8 oz a week ago. He’s really good and hardly ever cries, except when he’s hungry and when he’s naked, which for whatever reason he really hates. He’s so young that he mostly just sleeps, so he’s really easy to take care of, which is why I could do so yesterday when my sister needed a nap. I love him already and I’m really, really sad that I have to miss him growing up. Really sad. When I see kids only once every two years they don’t even know who I am when they see me. I have to miss all of their growing up. My family is really close and it kind of upsets me that I have to miss everything that is happening in everybody’s lives. I’m upset that I couldn’t be here when the baby was born. I’m upset that I’ll miss all the milestones in his life. I miss my family already and I’m still here with them.

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